I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE!!!

"yeah, i know what i am going to do!!"
I'm screaming, yelling, and shouting out loud!I have lay out a list of career path, what my future should be, and where i suppose to be at one point of life. This great plan really make me feel proud and fill my heart blissfully.
the next day when i wake up, i realised that THE GREAT PLAN was belong to yesterday. i wake up from my bed, staring plainly to the ceiling fan, dunno what i'm suppose to do. Wondering what went wrong to my so called great plan, which is not REALLY astonishing, not quite motivating my day courageously.
Should i doubt on what i am doing? is there anyone out there CAN tell me am i on my path?
cause sometimes i feel SO WRONG standing here, and im not belong to where i am. HOW would i know that? I dunno how, and i don't want to know.
i belive TIME leads me, & heading to the road where i suppose to go. So many things in life that i have been regret for not doing it, or saying it, or for not even take a chance of it. The worst is, i can't make it right. The only thing i can do is look and wait till it collapse.

I've been through the moment of destruction, devastation, wreckage due to my ignorance. I just don't know how to appreciate some part of my missing puzzle in my life. When i found THE PIECE, well... as a considerate grateful human being, i should have just get pleasure from it. APPARENTLY,i somehow retarded at my silly moment,Or just being damn plain stupid, try to scrutinize non-existence skeptical, and manipulate it to worst!!! WHY WHY WHY??? why i have to spend the moment in time TO DESTROY all the good thing in hand?

i have this rubble and fragility of faith especially in a relationship. occasionally i f**k-up the whole damn relationship, nothing stays longer. i am not intentionally to spoil the whole thing... there are things that the XY species just don't get sometimes... the way i think probably not fit to most of the XY. i hope, well someday, i will find XY that can make me speechless in any way.
I am still a normal XX. i still cry when my tear rolls.i do miss to be loved, i would be a liar if i say i don't.

I just need a HOME for all these.